he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
