ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
