so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
