Her vagina should come with caution tape.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
