hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
You're like the curious george of whores
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
