every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
