i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
