i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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