I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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