He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
