whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
