no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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