he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
