We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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