So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
