It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
