Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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