Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
