she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
