i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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