Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
