i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
