i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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