She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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