I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
