ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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