Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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