Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
