Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
