last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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