ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
