We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
