Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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