There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
