Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can text with my tongue
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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