if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I have post one night stand depression
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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