he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
