i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
