2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
another moral hangover. fuck.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
