If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
