I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
