At least make sure they are 18
Why
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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