I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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