from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
