Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I would ride that face into the sunset
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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