all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
