He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
