I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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