M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Randomize
