I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
