Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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