no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
